Genocide is good.

I've always enjoyed a standoffish relationship with wasps. They've never bothered me and I've never bothered them. Some people get in all of a flap over a little 2cm bug. But not me.

Yesterday at 14:12GMT that all changed.

Whilst doing some autumnal garden maintenance a wasp stung me on my left hand, second finger, by the side of the knuckle. Completely unprovoked.

Of course that individual was summarily punished. Hand trowel to the thorax. The feeling of satisfaction was fleeting. In comparison to the enduring sting I hadn't been properly compensated. Only one thing can avenge my finger. To annihilate wasps. Wipe them out, all of them.

Little green men Solution: Invent a virus that is innocuous to humans but lethal to Wasps analogous to HG Wells War of the worlds.

Problem: Don’t own a Bio-lab

Grey squirrel Solution: Find another creature that would out compete the wasp in its own habitat.

Problem: Red squirrels were protected by being on an island until something else was artificially introduced. Wasps have no such protection so are perfectly adapted already. Evolution would have to come up with such an animal.

San Francisco Solution: Sound travels well through dense materials. Turn the whole Earth into a giant speaker and Play James Morrison music continually (but at a frequency beyond human hearing, obviously). This will eventually turn all the Wasps gay. Wasps, with stingers, trying to bugger each other has fatal consequences.

Problem: Too cruel

Osama Solution: Get a group of baby bees to infiltrate a wasp colony. Then when they grow up remind them of what they really are, Bees. Use there sense of isolation to ‘persuade’ them that wasps are the enemy. The only answer is to strap bomb’s to themselves and blow up there former society’s.

Problem: It requires Wasp’s to accept them as there own, and give them social support (as a big fat Bee isn’t as productive as the industrial wasp) until adulthood. And wasp’s just aren’t that fucking stupid.

NHS Solution: Hire Nye Bee-van to set up a socialised health care system. When they start complaining how all the other insects have better health care just repeat “Our NHS is the envy of the world.” parrot fashion. It’s the answer to every question. Eventually all the wasp’s will die of clostridium difficile in their filthy nursing cells.

Problem: None. This is the final solution. Die you fucking useless wasps. DIE!